people i don't want to know.

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook, like every twenty-something with a tendency to be nosey does. I love that it reminds me of people's birthdays- beside my very closest friends I don't know anyone's birthdays. I love that it gives me something to look at during breaks at work. I love that it gives me voyeuristic insights into the lives of acquaintances. I love that it allows me to stay in touch with people I hardly get to see because we're all so busy these days.

But mostly, what I love about Facebook is that it allows me to lurk. Lurking is defined as the following according to Merriam-Webster:

intransitive verb

1 a : to lie in wait in a place of concealment especially for an evil purpose
b : to move furtively or inconspicuously
c : to persist in staying

2 a : to be concealed but capable of being discovered; specifically : to constitute a latent threat
b : to lie hidden

3: to read messages on an Internet discussion forum (as a newsgroup or chat room) without contributing

Whoa! I didn't even know they'd added the 3rd part to the definition. My people have been added to the dictionary! I'm a little bit proud.

Anyway, the ability to lurk is both a blessing and a curse. Curious about that person the object of your affection just added? LURK THEM. Hmmm... what does that girl think she's doing leaving a winky face on his Wall?! LURK HER.

I'll be the first to say, lurking is not healthy or cool- & I've heard admitting is the first step. I'll also admit lurking has done some harm in my life, sometimes there are just things you think you want to know but you really don't. Don't go looking for trouble- in dark alleys or on social networking sites. But especially on Facebook.

If you've been on Facebook for a few years you've seen it's many transformations, & probably initially hated all of them. Remember when everyone hated News Feed? Now, you probably can't picture Facebook without it. A feature I ignored for a while was the "People You May Know" sidebar. As Facebook has grown it's gotten a bit more interesting and with that more irritating. The day it gave me an annoying ex-boyfriend of mine I was a bit miffed and then chuckled and got over it. Now daily it gives me people I've heard of by name only, people I hardly spoke to in High School, or people I actually do sort of know but don't really want to be "friends" with. The "People You May Know" sidebar is largely ignored by me, I've maybe clicked on 3 profiles the entire time its been available, but others I've spoken to really like it and find it a good time waster.

Lately, I've gone from mostly ignoring the sidebar to loathing it, and I mean loathing it.

The other day, Facebook thought it would be funny to bring up an ex-girlfriend of the guy I'm seeing. Whatever, I've never met the girl. All I know about her is that she's made a snide remark about me (one that I know of anyway) & that she's not such a cool person since they broke up. They broke up a long time ago and before I even knew him. The first time she popped up I kind of rolled my eyes and forgot about it.

The next day, lo and behold- there. she. is. again. Not so amusing the second time, but again- whatever. But now- she shows up EVERY day. Really, Facebook? Really? Mark Zuckerberg, is this what you pictured? Is this what you had in mind- twenty-three year old women losing their cool over some silly broad on their sidebar?!

Me being the over analytical being I am, searches for signs, answers, reasons behind this occurrence. Is this a sign that I'll never be as important as her? That I won't be around as long as she was? Does Facebook think she's cuter than me? WHY FACEBOOK WHY!?


Then, I refresh the page, tell myself to get over it. I'm not important enough for Facebook to give a second thought about, probably just some math equation that goes wrong and always makes her pop-up.

But really, my final thought is- whatever.





*People I don't want to know represented by an image of a dolphin because I hate dolphins. Yes, really.
** I love the word "whatever" sometimes. First heard it in the 1995 classic "Clueless" and have found that it truly is the best way to describe my feelings sometimes.